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- I have an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one.
- If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
- If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
- Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
- Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
- Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?
- I'm at Sea World at a seafood restaurant. I'm halfway through my fish burger and
I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner.
- If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.
- When you're in school, and there's a fire alarm you have to line up in a single
file line from shortest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn
slower?
- I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I
said, 'Give me two boys and a girl.'
- Why don't they just make mouse flavoured cat food?
- I'm a peripheral visionary. I see far into the future... Just way off to one
side.
- If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
- The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about
some of the people who were here last year".
- I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast At Any Time.' So I ordered French
Toast during the Renaissance.
- There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you
can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
- I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
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