Q. What kind of work does a weak cat do? A. Light mousework...

Q. What is a pencil without lead? A. Pointless...

Q. How did the butcher introduce his wife? A. Meat Patty!

Q. Why do men fart more than women? A. Because a woman can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q. Did you hear about the Jewish person who opened a Japanese restaurant? A. It's called Sosumi.

Q. What tastes good on pie but not on pussy? A. The crust...

Q. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? A. A wash and wear wolf.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A. Claustrophobic!

Q. What did the wife do when she found out her husband was gay? A. She turned around and took it like a man.

Q. Why is sex is like software? A. For every one who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free…

Q. How do you keep a skeleton from laughing? A. Take away his funny bone!

Q. Did you hear about The Seven Dwarfs' hot tub party? A. Everyone was feeling bashful… so the poor buggar got out.

Q. Why did the blond stop wearing a training bra? A. The wheels were irritating her armpits.

Q. What does a snail shout, when riding on a turtle's back? A. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Q. Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? A. The wedding was crap, but the reception was great!

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q. What's better than a rose on your piano? A. Tulips on your organ.

Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks? A. Better Traction.

Q. What did the daddy buffalo say to the baby buffalo before he went to work? A. "Bison".

Q. What's the definition of gross? A. Dreaming you're eating chocolate pudding, and then waking up to find a spoon in your arse… (ugh!)